I have been reading your column and I need some answers to some problems I am having. I hope you can help me. I am 23 years old and I have a boyfriend. My parents are getting up in age and they do not have their own home.
I have two sisters, but they moved out and went to live with their boyfriends. I told my parents that we can rent a place and we can pay the rent together. I will pay most of the rent. My mother is not working but my father is still doing a little work here and there. I do not have children, so we rented a three-bedroom house. A two-bedroom would have been good enough, but we were fortunate to get a three-bedroom for a very reasonable price.
We moved into this house and everything was going all right until my boyfriend decided to come and live with me so that he can save money. We are thinking of getting married. I thought that my boyfriend living with us was a good idea, my mother thought so too. I couldn’t believe it when my father said he would not agree for my boyfriend to come here and live with us. I reminded my father that he doesn’t have much say because I am paying most of the rent, and if I want a man to come and sleep with me, he shouldn’t object to that.
My father thought I was being rude to him, and he told me that I should take my man and leave and he will rent another place. I could not believe what my father was telling me. So, I called my sisters and told them what my father said. My sisters told my father that if he asked me to go, they are not going to help him to find another place to live. My father told my sisters that I don’t have any respect because one evening he was watching television in the living room and my boyfriend was in the bedroom and I came into the living room in short night clothing. He said that I did not have on any underwear. He said that if my man wasn’t here, I wouldn’t dress like that.
That was not true.
I know I am old enough to have a boyfriend and I didn’t have to be living here with my parents. I am here to help them. How could my father expect me to have a boyfriend and he can’t stay here with me when he is helping me financially? Now, when my boyfriend comes and tells him good evening, he does not answer. I know my father always watches television in the living room, so I wouldn’t go out there in a short nightie and not have on underwear. My father just doesn’t want my boyfriend to stay here with us.
My boyfriend wants us to leave, but I am not sure that is the right thing to do. Please give me your advice.
I do not believe that you will be disrespectful to your father. Your father does not want your boyfriend to be sleeping in the house with you. Therefore, he believes that the young man should get out and not return. You believe that your father is lying. But whether or not he is lying, he should not tell you that you should leave. He is not thinking right.
I suggest that you remain right where you are, don’t leave. Try your best not to do anything that will cause your father to believe that you are being disrespectful to him.